I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
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He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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