Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I need to align my fucking chakras
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize