Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
