WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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