He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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