Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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