I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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