Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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