I'm going to jail i love you
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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