good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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