Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
