i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize