he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
