She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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