I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
