im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
