he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
