my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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