I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
