hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
you're hired as official boob wrangler
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
