Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
