Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
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Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
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We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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