We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You have to summon your inner elephant
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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