drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
