she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
