i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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