Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
