There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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