are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
