Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
