Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
