girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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