you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
