The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
