I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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