I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
