I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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