I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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