Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
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nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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