considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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