Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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