Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
