Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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