Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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