So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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