I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
