she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
