i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
