4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
