Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
