I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
