I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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