Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize