I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
