So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
