did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
