She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
