Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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