Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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