I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
