well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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