Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
