I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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