gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Come see our sink grown plant.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.