I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
