I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Please don't give away my fajitas
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
