Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
